Cynic In Residence Pillows

A New Doom & Gloom Will Open Here Soon.

Do Not Resuscitate

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Famous Oxymorons...

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

Will Self deprecation

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'This model comes with F.S.H - P.S. - E.W. - C.C. - A.B.S and B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.'