Cynic In A Cubicle Pillows

Do Not Resuscitate

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

In, Out, Shake it all about

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Someday

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Wow. A corner office at last

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

Famous Oxymorons...

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

Gullibility Test $1.00.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Will Self deprecation

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

'You don't understand, Hartwell -- the handshake WAS your Christmas bonus.'

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

'Yes is no longer god enough. Can I get an Amen?'

'That's it?'

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

'Leave us your suggestions here.' (The suggestion box is a shredder)

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

"...and, if elected, I promise never to tell another lie...oh, there I go again!"

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."