Cynical Foodie Gifts

Man walks into a restaurant with a sign saying "Billy Bob's Diner - We don't let the federal government tell us what to do with our tainted beef".

'The food in here does taste like home cooking - I'm not leaving a tip!'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

The Witches Discover The Wok

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

HELLth Food Sprouts

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'It counts as one of your five portions a day.'

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

"Sometimes I come up here and think about the great meals I've eaten."

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

"I don't like the food here, but the photos I paot make my friends envious."

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

Hospital food. Because you're just not sick enough.

'Two beef and pork by-products and a turkey dog, please!'

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

Conchiglie

'Half mushroom and half plankton!'

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

Recipes from The I-Seriously-Don't-Care Cookbook.