Curriculum Cynic Gifts

'All I want to know is--when do I get to use the quadratic formula, political facts of South America, frog anatomy, the ecology of Johnson Creek, and the billions of other things I spent twelve years studying so diligently?'

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"So basically you're telling us that you make the youngest of your species sit in a room for twelves years and that is an education. . . you're kidding, right?"

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

Personnel

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

'I go to college -- What do you do for a living?'

Jones, Needham, Pinkner, Fortney - Just doing their jobs.

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

"I didn't like the stamp, I didn't like the opera, and I don't like the movie."

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

Phrenology head filled with National Curriculum instead of real knowledge.

"For the next few hours, I'll be bringing you info with no tainment."

Sucking Up to Gen X

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

'I hate my boss!...'

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

'I see you hold degrees in eating, sleeping, AND mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the other college graduates who have applied.'

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

"Call me when you get some current stuff."

Teacher Shortage/Brain Shortage

It's an unpaid internship, but it's good experience.

'If voting in elections really changed anything the politicians wouldn't allow it!'

"I'm sorry to say your husband took so many antioxidants, he suffocated."

Mail & Political lies.

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

'Those poor grades are due to a lack of data driven evidence based curriculum in the classroom.'

For Those Who Don't Feel That Driving School Is Quite Enough, There's...Driver's University

"I wish I was born 100 years ago - there would have been less history to learn..."

"Listened to the grown ups argue about common core at the beach...at the campground...the fair...the waterpark...the family reunion...."

"Look at this textbook, and tell me textbooks haven't been dumbed down."