Current Events Addict Pillows

"All data indicates your numbers will improve once voters get over your yuck factor."

Robert Mugabe

Libya

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

Schengen

British savings accounts

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

Health Advisory: Flint Water has lead, Ann Arbor water has dioxane.

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Turkish Democracy

"Everyone stay calm, if we don't upset it maybe it won't start shooting."

Laughingstock

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"America’s leaders since 1980"

Roe v. Wade

SAGE mentality

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

"Hey...look...I'm prepared to admit that I might have been wrong, but...I think it's time to draw a line under it... and y'know...move on..."

Armageddon

Mission Kinda Accomplished

Russia Money Laundering

"Rescue...we've come to join you."

Twitter censorship

"New court filings. Totally clears the President. Thank you." "Actually, sir, it, uh, says you did crime and might go to jail."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"You don't even need to lie down on the therapy couch! Any therapy would be totally senseless, Mr. Putin!"

Vladimir Putin Pulling Trump Across The Table By His Tie

"Oh my God, they're gassing refugees. Look at this family!"