Current Events Junkies Pillows

The End Isn't Nigh

Schengen

British savings accounts

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

Health Advisory: Flint Water has lead, Ann Arbor water has dioxane.

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"Everyone stay calm, if we don't upset it maybe it won't start shooting."

Turkish Democracy

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

"Hey...look...I'm prepared to admit that I might have been wrong, but...I think it's time to draw a line under it... and y'know...move on..."

Roe v. Wade

Armageddon

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

Russia Money Laundering

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Matryoshka/ Russian Gas Cylinders

"Rescue...we've come to join you."

Twitter censorship

"New court filings. Totally clears the President. Thank you." "Actually, sir, it, uh, says you did crime and might go to jail."

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"You don't even need to lie down on the therapy couch! Any therapy would be totally senseless, Mr. Putin!"

Denazification

'What I have to do first?!'

Fifty shades of Leveson.

'Not a word to Alfred, but the spare bedroom is worth losing the fourteen pounds!'