Current Events Enthusiast Pillows

The News Cycle

"Our top story: bloody conflict, secret meeting, auto recall, drive-by shooting, more staff cuts, medical breakthrough. We'll be back as soon as we decide."

Help wanted sign on the Mexican border.

Are you talking about the new normal of an hour, or is there a new, new normal right now?"

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Then we carefully disguise the bribes as legal fees by changing the word 'bribes' to 'legal fees.'"

"And now the sky is falling? Sure, why not? Just add it to the list."

Beware: worst case scenario

End of the World News

'Here's a rundown of today's stock prices...citizen uprisings...paradigm shifts...'

"Why do they call it common sense when it's so uncommon?"

USA Losing World Hegemony

"We'll contain the coronavirus by building a Great Wall around China. Mexico will pay for it."

"I'll check the news."

"I wear it like this to stop my jaw hitting the floor."

"Hey, nice handbasket. Where're we goin'?"

The popular press overshadowing the serious press.

'Do you want to watch the, 'everything's terrible' cable news or the 'everything's wonderful' cable news?'

Ship to Gaza.

"It's a complicated time for needle phobics."

Stop the War on Ukraine

'40 years from now, they'll look back at this decade as the good old days.'

"I'll take one more question, from the reporter in the back reading the job listings."

'No more black market pot!. . . Plus the tax revenue goes to schools and pot store regulation.'

"This is your ninety-nine-per-cent-news-free six-o'clock news."

"Has there ever been a country that had the word 'Democratic' in its name that was?"

'In an unexpected development today, the National Organization for Women merged with the Teamsters....'

'Take this, Hamas!'

Non Thought For The Day.

'Showtime!'

'Today a congressional committee held an inquiry on 'why pro-American rioting never breaks out'.'

"A Ms. Ramona Bissell of West Allison, Vermont, writes, 'What the hell is going on?' We here at WVCN think that question deserves an answer."

'Under our program of economic sanctions, 'rogue states' will immediately be removed from the list of places we outsource to.'

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

Trump Blocks Postal Service.