Curmudgeon Vibe Appreciator Pillows

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"Desmond likes to live in the moment. . . and that moment happens to be 1960."

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

The Old Time Television Channel

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

Born to be Mild.

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

Greetings from VARICOSE VILLAGE, a Florida golfing community featuring a shopping mall, restaurants and hospitals.

'Why do they call these conventions when everyone here is so unconventional?'

"He's So Your Type."

Easter Bonnet

'Don't touch him. He's grandfathered in.'

Uncle Murray Weekly

I HATE STUFF

"Here you are - Two house martinis, humanely poured!"

The Epsom Derby - Beer Stall

"You've been listening to the mellow sound of Station EZZZ."

"Whatever she wants, she gets. She's the only one who knows her way around a computerless office."

'I never watch educational television. I guess I'm old fashioned. If I want to learn something, I listen to the radio.'

Victorian Children's Party

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

'It's a newspaper! Brought it online for me dad's birthday. Apparently it's the forerunner of the tablet!'

Never Satisfied.

Endangered species stamps

"There's old Fuchburg's harrumph. Right on time."

Un-Hip-Flask

'Kids today and their crazy fashions, eh!'

'Sunnyside down.'

"Working with the elderly can be challenging... They can be bad tempered and curmudgeonly. I never ask him for anything until he's had his nap!"

'I'm not here!'

'Society of hermits'