Curmudgeon Charmer Pillows

"Working with older people is part of the job!"

Showbiz Awards

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Ralph has lots of animal magnetism.

"Your being boring, stuffy and predictable is part of your charm."

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'Why don't you change it to sports or cartoons or something? -- You know CNN just depresses you.'

I hope Bernie Sanders wins. We've never had a president like him. We've had cool presidents, awkward presidents, dignified presidents, goofy presidents

Snake Charmer

'I adore a man of many parts.'

Uncle Murray Weekly

I HATE STUFF

"Beats hanging around the water cooler."

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

Victorian Children's Party

"What do I bring to the company? I'm relentlessly cheerful and able to handle pressure."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I'm 66 years old: and I going to be as crabby as you? - Rolf. *Actual reader letter. Rolf, this is really a sad, unfortunate letter. It seems unlikely you can ever achieve any reasonable level of crabby if you're the kind of loser to send such a whiny question. Great crabs are born, not made! Guy probably won't even make a decent curmudgeon. Not sure that's what he's hoping for.

'I'm not here!'

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

"Even your sleep is curmudgeonly."

'Sunnyside down.'

"Working with the elderly can be challenging... They can be bad tempered and curmudgeonly. I never ask him for anything until he's had his nap!"

'Society of hermits'

The Post Of Christmas Present

"Another p**s and vinegar?"

Desk Bins of a Curmudgeon.

"Hello. This is Dial-a-Grump. What the hell do you want?"

Once again her smile had failed to light up the room.