Curmudgeon Lovers Pillows

"Another p**s and vinegar?"

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"I'd like to see him try that on the leg press."

'Slices Mandy! Just slices!'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

'How's the curry?'

'If it wasn't for you darling - I think I would go crazy!'

The morning after the night before.

Plane Yogurt.

'How's the curry?.'

"I can see that you're a cultured individual..."

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

I hope Bernie Sanders wins. We've never had a president like him. We've had cool presidents, awkward presidents, dignified presidents, goofy presidents

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Low fat diets.

Foodie Bank

I HATE STUFF

Uncle Murray Weekly

'I told you not to have that curry.'

'It started yesterday, after I had a strong curry.'

"We're cooking the books."

Clinker Built Dinghy Made Entirely of Custard

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

Victorian Children's Party

"Careful it's hot."

'I guess it's OK for a guy to eat your yogurt during a game instead of drinking beer - but light yogurt?'

'Sunnyside down.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I'm 66 years old: and I going to be as crabby as you? - Rolf. *Actual reader letter. Rolf, this is really a sad, unfortunate letter. It seems unlikely you can ever achieve any reasonable level of crabby if you're the kind of loser to send such a whiny question. Great crabs are born, not made! Guy probably won't even make a decent curmudgeon. Not sure that's what he's hoping for.

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

'I'm not here!'