Curmudgeon At Heart Pillows

Uncle Murray Weekly

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

'Look out, it's a double edged sword. . .'

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

Max Beerbohm

'I'm screwed...'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

I HATE STUFF

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

Fortune Cookies

"That's the trouble with crusades, they always drag religion into it!"

Victorian Children's Party

A cave man blowing down a blowpipe.

Cheeses Christ

"Working with the elderly can be challenging... They can be bad tempered and curmudgeonly. I never ask him for anything until he's had his nap!"

"Even your sleep is curmudgeonly."

World Records Office.

'I'm not here!'

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

"But the tax evasion did bring me happiness."

'Sunnyside down.'

'Society of hermits'

The Post Of Christmas Present

"Another p**s and vinegar?"

"Working with older people is part of the job!"