Commitment Curmudgeon Pillows

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Jen, you knew when you married me, I was a 'corporate report' reading person - Not a 'summer fiction' reading person.'

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

'Who has the rings and prenup?'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

'How worse? Give me the worst-case scenario.'

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

'Wait a minute - This is getting too close for comfort.'

Man on treadmill with one leg in a cast.

I hope Bernie Sanders wins. We've never had a president like him. We've had cool presidents, awkward presidents, dignified presidents, goofy presidents

'It's a big step getting married. I need time to think about it - What did you say your name was?'

'We're doing so well together: What do you think of me becoming monogamous?'

'I need a commitment. I don't want to just hang out with you.'

'Wow, she's still here! That's what I like about Sally, she has a great work ethic!'

Uncle Murray Weekly

'I've been married six times, did you know? . . . Oh yes, but how many husbands I've had, I'm not sure!'

'I can't say yes or no right now, Steve, but Vince's option runs out next month.'

"No, I'm not married. But that's beside the point. Now, quit changing the subject and answer the question."

I HATE STUFF

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

"I now declare a thumb war."

'Hank,I know you promised to go fishing with me today but you should have stayed in bed.'

"I really like you, Grizzo, but I'm not ready to hibernate."

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

"If this is going to last you're going to need to become a cat."

'Do you promise to have and to hold her, longer than the PS3?'

'I'm not here!'

"It's an ankle monitor -- I didn't read the fine print in the pre-nup."

'Sunnyside down.'

"Even your sleep is curmudgeonly."

"Your parents added this line: 'You do solemnly pledge to stay together long enough to make the cost of this wedding worth it."