Curious Gardener Gifts

'Lawn circles just don't have the same impact.'

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Planting seeds in garden - broad beans and jelly beans.

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Beginning Yarder.

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

Planting Bird Seed.

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Hydroponic Gardening

Wet weather footwear - shoes that are shaped like boats.

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'I'm letting it lie fallow this year.'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

"911?... Guinness Book of World Records?... 911?

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

"Now, that's my kind of gardener: somebody who grows dandelions! I love dandelions..."

Clown watering his flowers.

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

Cactus Man.

"Who remembers when food wasn't genetically modified?"

'I tried to tell him I didn't think it was a tomato.'

Football fan