Humorous Gardener Gifts

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

"Gosh,no wonder you're having problems with your vegetables,dad.Round cabbages next to pointed leeks is very bad Feng Shui!"

'Try not to sit still for too long dear, the convulvulus is really rather virulent.'

An Unexpected Guest.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Paving over the window-box

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Hydroponic Gardening

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

Wet weather footwear - shoes that are shaped like boats.

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

Crazy paving company.

God builds the first lawn mower.

'Manure, you say? We always put custard on our rhubarb!'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"