Culinary Parody Enthusiast Gifts

"Give it to me straight, doc, I can take it... it's meatloaf for dinner again, right?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Lockdown casserole

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

Pizza with 'Made in China' imprinted on it.

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'Todays special - egg on Ronay'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Murderous Chef

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"I'm sorry about the delay, sir, but Chef's anger management class ran over."

'People soup again?'

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

"Rare, medium or well done?"

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"I'd rather be seared by Emeril than sauteed by Rachel."

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."