Culinary Parody Enthusiast Gifts

"Give it to me straight, doc, I can take it... it's meatloaf for dinner again, right?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Lockdown casserole

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

Pizza with 'Made in China' imprinted on it.

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

'Todays special - egg on Ronay'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

Murderous Chef

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

'People soup again?'

"Rare, medium or well done?"

"I'm sorry about the delay, sir, but Chef's anger management class ran over."

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

"I'd rather be seared by Emeril than sauteed by Rachel."

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"May your year be pear-fect."