Cue Ball Comedian Gifts

'Ease up a bit on the cue ball.'

Birds cue ball escape.

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

'Hello, my name is Death'

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

What if cats talked dirty...

'He's even better when he takes the cue out of it's case.'

"It's trouble for Chubby when Mitzi brings out the vacuum."

Funeral for a Cartoonist

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

Play golf on the billiards table.

'Treat yourself to a game of pot black.'

Mahout and his elephant on wash day.

Pick your own fruit - Pick your own nose

'...Then I swept down the staircase, into the ballroom.'

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

"Who you calling a candya**?"

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

Clown receives 'hee hee mail'.

"OK so - this might sound kinda crazy - but what do you think of me peeing on you?"

The jungle grill!