Cue Ball Comedian Mugs

'Ease up a bit on the cue ball.'

Birds cue ball escape.

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

Optimist

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

Aladdin conjures up a virtual genie.

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

What if cats talked dirty...

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

'Hello, my name is Death'

'He's even better when he takes the cue out of it's case.'

"It's trouble for Chubby when Mitzi brings out the vacuum."

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

Funeral for a Cartoonist

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

'Am I bald?'

Play golf on the billiards table.

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

Mahout and his elephant on wash day.

'Treat yourself to a game of pot black.'

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

"Who you calling a candya**?"

Pick your own fruit - Pick your own nose

'...Then I swept down the staircase, into the ballroom.'

"Your lives will continue to stink until you find your center."

"OK so - this might sound kinda crazy - but what do you think of me peeing on you?"