Cucumber Connoisseur Gifts

Jar wars

"What ... oh my god ... what did she put in the sandwiches!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Snowman with Happy Face Badge.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I come here for the pepper."

Full English Breakfast.

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"What do you mean you're tired of AB negative?"

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

Mayo-A-Mayo

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

'This 'homework,' was it done today?'

Slow food restaurant

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

Painting of Picasso's investment portfolio

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

"Ah — excellent catsup."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

Kid selling lemonade has a picture of the founder: himself

'Slices Mandy! Just slices!'

"Fresh-raked leaves?"