Crustacean Comedian Gifts

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

Turtle Hat

"Say Bernie, how come this little guy's been following you around all week?"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Peach fuzz. How does a nectarine know when it reaches puberty?"

Penguin

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

Just a little seasoning...

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"I'm a monster."

Peter Benchley's New Book Fish!

Man lets his pigeons out to be fed in the park.

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

Did you find our menorah?

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

Sawfish cuts through the oars of row boat.

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

"I'd like to see him try that on the leg press."

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

'Sorry Bruce, but we have to stop seeing each other: I've changed, you have to understand...'

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

Alligator Bars

Evolution...the booted flamingo.

"I got you some flowers..watered them, too.".

"Have you noticed Carl never leaves the field to go to the bathroom?"

Horse rides over a judge.

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

'Extreme acupuncture.'