Crustacean Comedian Pillows

'Ooh, that's better!'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Say Bernie, how come this little guy's been following you around all week?"

Turtle Hat

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Penguin

"Peach fuzz. How does a nectarine know when it reaches puberty?"

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

Just a little seasoning...

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Peter Benchley's New Book Fish!

"I'm a monster."

Man lets his pigeons out to be fed in the park.

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

Did you find our menorah?

Sawfish cuts through the oars of row boat.

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

"I'd like to see him try that on the leg press."

'Sorry Bruce, but we have to stop seeing each other: I've changed, you have to understand...'

"I got you some flowers..watered them, too.".

Alligator Bars

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

Evolution...the booted flamingo.

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

"Have you noticed Carl never leaves the field to go to the bathroom?"

Horse rides over a judge.

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"