Cruelty Critic Gifts

'I'm afraid it's Daddy you have to impress-he's a RSPCA inspector!'

Seal hunters cutting a hole in the ice, while a seal cuts a hole around the hunters.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

New York Corruption - Auditor Watson's Death, and Suspicions on Broadway Works Project

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

Pennies for People, Billions for War

Denazification

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

Invade/Fail/Deny

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

The USA...

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Automatic Congressman

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"You'll never believe who's here."

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Seamus Heaney

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,