Critter Critic Gifts

"Ooh - that one was a bit gamey."

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

"That was a silly way to split the dung Fred! How are we supposed to roll our share home now?"

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

'I'm afraid it's Daddy you have to impress-he's a RSPCA inspector!'

"Oh shut up."

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

"And remember the rule: when the carpet is old, that's when we hold, when the carpet is new, that's when we spew!"

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'

Cat Video Cinema.

'Yeah, their website is called www.dazoosux.com.'

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

"That's Fred. He was raised by bats..."

"It looks like fecal transplants may do us in."

Sick Exhibitionist

Bill often considered cutting his armpit hair, but then he'd need to buy carpeting.

"It's an exact replica of the kind of zoo they would usually live in."

'I don't know, Al... A dumpster in the middle of the woods! Seems kind of fishy to me.'

'I'm starved. Instead of a fly in my soup, make it a mouse.'

'He says the scent killer isn't working. He can still smell us.'

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

'Thanks to me, you can save the money for the cat food from now on and put it into more reasonable investments!'

"A cat wouldn't answer."

'I like it.'

Seal hunters cutting a hole in the ice, while a seal cuts a hole around the hunters.

My first rodeo

The Thinker and The Stinker

'Let's be frank. Perky isn't right for you.'

Dog Food Testing Lab.

Honk If You Hate Cats

"I love this time of year when the leaves hide the empty burger boxes, beer cans, chocolate wrappers..."