Critter Cuisine Critic Gifts

'I'm starved. Instead of a fly in my soup, make it a mouse.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Is the MSG local?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Too much cilantro

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"