Crowded Train Survivor Gifts

"I'm looking for something that will keep people away from me on the subway."

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

Packed like sardines

'I think we took a wrong turn between the seventh and eight holes.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Monday: Next 7 exits.

I hate sitting in traffic jams. - 'Move it! I need to get work.' - 'I hate sitting at my desk.' -

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

'I'm going to be a little late.'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Honey's a real problem for me. Whenever I try to cut back, I just end up binging on campers.'

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

Highway Advisory - Move to Arizona.

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'EXIT -Next Exit.'

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

Speed Limit 5 MPH. Enforced by Sheep.

An angry Driver stuck behind the 8 Ball.

Heavy Traffic.

"And now Survivor Six...walking through your kid's room barefoot in the dark..."

'Mom, when will we be mooving?'

'Welcome to HARDNOSE CITY. . . Go directly to jail, next 3 exits.'

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

A horse and cart metamorphosing into a snail.

The Bus Stop.

"Professor, just how long did you say that evolution thing takes?"

Screw Driver.