Crowded Train Survivor Pillows

"I'm looking for something that will keep people away from me on the subway."

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

Packed like sardines

'I think we took a wrong turn between the seventh and eight holes.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Monday: Next 7 exits.

I hate sitting in traffic jams. - 'Move it! I need to get work.' - 'I hate sitting at my desk.' -

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Honey's a real problem for me. Whenever I try to cut back, I just end up binging on campers.'

'I'm going to be a little late.'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

Highway Advisory - Move to Arizona.

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

An angry Driver stuck behind the 8 Ball.

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

'EXIT -Next Exit.'

Speed Limit 5 MPH. Enforced by Sheep.

Heavy Traffic.

'Mom, when will we be mooving?'

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'Welcome to HARDNOSE CITY. . . Go directly to jail, next 3 exits.'

"And now Survivor Six...walking through your kid's room barefoot in the dark..."

"Hard day at the train station dear?"

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

Screw Driver.

'Nope. He doesn't qualify you for the carpool lane.'