Critiquing Gifts

"He's a mental-health critic."

"I've got it! If we don't send Stanley Kauffman any tickets, maybe he won't come!"

If you want to get big as a radio host, you've got to differentiate yourself from all the other mean, insulting critics. I have a plan. You need to start being nice. That way, you'll really surprise people when you turn on them. That's the stupidest @#$% Idea I've ever heard, you muscle-bound ape! It needs work. Damn. What if I retract the muscle-bound part?

'This is for a different book.'

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

Herman Mankiewicz

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Lesser known greek gods,

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

The Rise of Modern Art

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!