Creative Critiquing Gifts

Throwing Away Music

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Cariactures

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

The Rise of Modern Art

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

Master's Degrees of the Universe

'Mon Dieu! This year, your collection is really daring, mon cher Karl!'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

We regret to inform you that your poem, "The Ramen," does not meet our publishing needs at this time. The short, frustrating career of Edgar Allan Typoe.

"I could do that."

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."

"He's left out the staples"

"Apparently my writing is so bad I've been rejected by a gene editor. She said she could see the lack of talent in my DNA."

'The artist did this one during his 'I've got no idea' - period.'

Bad Office Planning

"I think the banana looks like a mustache, or a weird smile or something. How about an apple? ... Just a suggestion."

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

"His painting is actually better than it looks..."

"He's a mental-health critic."

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

It finally happened, models so thin they only consist of few molecules.

"He's not an enfant terrible, he's just terrible."