Creative Critiquers Gifts

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Cariactures

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Filling the Missile Gap

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

An acceptable level of TV violence.

"Don't these fools realize they're violating every principle of feng-shui?"

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"He's been studying The Art of Bore."

The Real Russian history

"Yes, you do get your bonus today. My assistant is empty the change out of the vending machine as we speak."

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"I could do that."

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

"Well...I notice a little criticism on my leadership style..."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

Cartoon Editor: No, No, No, No, No, No, Maybe.

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

"Apparently my writing is so bad I've been rejected by a gene editor. She said she could see the lack of talent in my DNA."

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

"First the open floor plan, now this."

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

"He's a mental-health critic."

"His painting is actually better than it looks..."

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

The national cartoonists' speech-bubble strike enters its 2nd week...