Creative Critiquers Gifts

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Cariactures

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

Filling the Missile Gap

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

An acceptable level of TV violence.

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"Don't these fools realize they're violating every principle of feng-shui?"

"Yes, you do get your bonus today. My assistant is empty the change out of the vending machine as we speak."

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"He's been studying The Art of Bore."

We regret to inform you that your poem, "The Ramen," does not meet our publishing needs at this time. The short, frustrating career of Edgar Allan Typoe.

The Real Russian history

"I could do that."

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

"Well...I notice a little criticism on my leadership style..."

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"I think the banana looks like a mustache, or a weird smile or something. How about an apple? ... Just a suggestion."

"Apparently my writing is so bad I've been rejected by a gene editor. She said she could see the lack of talent in my DNA."

Cartoon Editor: No, No, No, No, No, No, Maybe.

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

"First the open floor plan, now this."

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

"He's a mental-health critic."

"His painting is actually better than it looks..."

'Let's go around the room, and talk about the edgy, creative things we've done so far today.'

"I call it 'You kids turn down that so-called music. I can't even hear myself scream.'"