Criticism Gifts

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

Reading my Critics

'Personally, I thought it stunk!'

Early art critic

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

'Viewers are warned that the film you are about to see contains no nudity or strong language.'

Sculptor's dedication to critics.

"Some conspiracy nut!"

"If you're thinking of evolving, don't bother."

'Man, I hate these exit polls.'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

'These soaps always kill off people to improve ratings!' 'Hey! Why don't they kill of the writers?'

"Would you like me to get one our experts to tell you what you think of it."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

Mariana in the Moated Grange - Commercialism in Art

'Forget the artwork who made the martinis?!'

"If you don't mind, please take a moment to fill out this brief customer service survey...now...while we watch."

Art Critics.

Nitpicking Championships

Bernard Levin

"He's forgotten why he was shouting at the telly."

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

"Have you considered the possibility that you could be too old for escapology classes?"

"Your earlier work was better."

"Hanging's too good for them."

"With apologies. . ? I'd have put: 'You know where you can stick it!'"

"Is it a witty and insightful exploration of the zeitgeist of 'boundaries' or is it in fact, the way out?"

'You're quick to criticise, but slow to help.'

Young Simon Cowell

'Pah Excrement'

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

Edgar Allan Poe