Critic Gifts

"We believe that in a former life she was an editor."

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

The Algonquin Round Table

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

Reading my Critics

"Now you can send it."

'Brilliant! I love it! I'll give you ?25,000!'

"I can see you drew heavily from your own bad writing."

'That's enough about me, now let's concentrate on you. What did you think of my performance?'

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

'Oh I've always been a sceptic, through all my past lives.'

"His schlock has gravitas."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

Divine Intervention

'Critico, ergo sum.'

'He wants to know what we're up to, so he cans tart demythologizing it.'

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."

"What a loser. Only a bronze?"

Illustration for 'Wives and Daughters', scene 3.

'Of course the plot's ridiculous, it's Opera.'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

'It's easy to slag off other people's work, much harder to do better yourself...so Daddy's made a career out of slagging off other people's work.'

'I'm a reviewer now.'

'It feels good to make a difference.'

Bucky's allegory.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

Critic software

'I'm currently having my autobiography reviewed to seperate the actual events from my fantasies.'

Newspaper editor says to woman: 'Agnes, you review children's picture books �' please stop saying 'I read it in one sitting.''

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

"Ah, such a delicate little poem you have written. Now let’s take a hammer to it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."