Critic Enthusiast Gifts

"I've learned not to listen to critics who are right about me."

Reese Witherspoon

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Filling the Missile Gap

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

An acceptable level of TV violence.

"My kid could do that."

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

The Real Russian history

Seamus Heaney

"Well...I notice a little criticism on my leadership style..."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

Cartoon Editor: No, No, No, No, No, No, Maybe.

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

"I loved your embarrassing personal essay in the 'Times.' "

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

Rodin's Irish Judge

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

A man is looking at a sign saying Exhibition of art exhibition jargon.

Nutty Assistants

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Batfan" in Dallas, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java Cybercafe. My girlfriend is refusing to go see "Justice League" because she things Marvel's take on the genre is the only way to do it. How do I get her to be more open-minded and tolerant? You don't! Just become less open-minded yourself. You can't change other people, you can only seek vengeance upon them. Um ... Do you happen to have Doctor Phil's number?

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

Art is a cruel mistress.

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

Editor

"Fine, but, what if we all took a vow of silence? Then how many monks would you see in cartoons?"

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"Do you mind if I give you feedback?"

If you want to get big as a radio host, you've got to differentiate yourself from all the other mean, insulting critics. I have a plan. You need to start being nice. That way, you'll really surprise people when you turn on them. That's the stupidest @#$% Idea I've ever heard, you muscle-bound ape! It needs work. Damn. What if I retract the muscle-bound part?

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

New Jersey Cops Gone Wild

Ezra Pound