Critic Aficionado Gifts

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Bond James, Bond."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Back to school.

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Bloody hell!"

Stephen Spender.

Kritik's Korner

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

Gunter Grass

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

Canadian film production

Brad Pitt

Moby Dick

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

"You can tell it's a period drama because they're not wearing ozone helmets."

Noel Coward.

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

Ironing Punctuation

'And I love the part when he finds out that it was his brother all along!'

Sherlock Holmes Museum: No Hounds.

Filling the Missile Gap

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'