Critique Aficionado Gifts

Hey! Everybody makes mistakes.

"Want to get in one last constructive criticism before we lose him?"

'TV: What not to watch.'

'It's big and it's yellow.'

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

"The working title needs work."

Diners see restaurant signs; Grade A meals and Meals Without Comments.

How to serve humanity.

'Now that I think about it, you're right: Like bankers, we thrive on the misfortune of others...'

Man hung from unsupported gallows.

Complaints department.

"As a politician I've done a good job at uniting the country - everyone hates me!"

Young Simon Cowell

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Bond James, Bond."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

Build your very own conflict of interest!

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

Back to school.

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

Pets are reading the book 'Animal Farm'.

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

Bribes for Jabs