Professional Critique Gifts

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

Master's Degrees of the Universe

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

"Well yes, you're a worker, but I think we can both agree that you're not a hard worker now, can't we?"

'There are two men and a dog out there, and the dog is asleep.'

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

"He's a mental-health critic."

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

Critics In Love

"You could do a lot worse then be good at football... I know... some people have to settle for politics."

"Why Bingo Sinclair is the world's greatest clown director"

Time Slavery.

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

"I've seen it performed many times, but I can't remember ever sleeping through it so peacefully."

"Let's see now, Harrison - how long have you been with us?"

'I've been going over your performance review and to tell you the truth, I'm not very happy with these swimsuit scores.'

"When do you teach us how to become motivated?"

'You're husband's death is an absolute tragedy, it's going to play havoc with my monthly mortality targets.'

"Our management consultant has recommended we employ another management consultant to explore cutting the budget we have for management consultants."

'Since when did we start getting report cards, too?'

Scientific Research: '...The solar rotation theory...I figure it'll take years of heavily funded research to see if the sun really does set in the east...'

'I didn't know you could get a master's degree in soulless greed.'

"He's miming from a tape from head office."

"Have you ever considered that you haven't been promoted because you're and idiot?"