Career Critique Gifts

"Bummer, I guess your brilliance stopped compensating for your complete lack of social skills."

37 years in the same position.

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

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"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

'There are two men and a dog out there, and the dog is asleep.'

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

'No seriously. His final words actually were, 'If I only had spent more time at the office.''

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

Jones, Needham, Pinkner, Fortney - Just doing their jobs.

"I've lost my mojo."

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

"Your CV is very impressive. We're interested in the person who wrote it."

"My jacket blurbs used to have such conviction, he thought to himself wistfully."

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

"Papi, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you!"

'I hate my boss!...'

"You could do a lot worse then be good at football... I know... some people have to settle for politics."

'I am an unhappy employee.'

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

Time Slavery.