Career Critique Pillows

"Bummer, I guess your brilliance stopped compensating for your complete lack of social skills."

37 years in the same position.

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

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'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

'There are two men and a dog out there, and the dog is asleep.'

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

"I've lost my mojo."

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

Jones, Needham, Pinkner, Fortney - Just doing their jobs.

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

"My jacket blurbs used to have such conviction, he thought to himself wistfully."

"Your CV is very impressive. We're interested in the person who wrote it."

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

"You could do a lot worse then be good at football... I know... some people have to settle for politics."

"Papi, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you!"

'I hate my boss!...'

'I am an unhappy employee.'

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

Time Slavery.

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing