Career Critic Gifts

Time Slavery.

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

"You could do a lot worse then be good at football... I know... some people have to settle for politics."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Cariactures

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

Occupant.

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

"I could do that."

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"Under our new definition of 'what is a sale?', he hasn't made any this year."

"Apparently my writing is so bad I've been rejected by a gene editor. She said she could see the lack of talent in my DNA."

'Thank goodness for these commercials on the nightly news or we'd never be aware that we need all these prescription medications.'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

College Bowl Games - Sponsors

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

"His painting is actually better than it looks..."

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'