Critiquing Design Gifts

'Mon Dieu! This year, your collection is really daring, mon cher Karl!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"Well....I could've done this!"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

The Rise of Modern Art

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

"Don't these fools realize they're violating every principle of feng-shui?"

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"He's left out the staples"

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."

'The artist did this one during his 'I've got no idea' - period.'

Factory Recall Unicorn.

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

Bad Office Planning

"First the open floor plan, now this."

"He's a mental-health critic."

"We went with an open floor plan because it can really facilitate a shared sense of hysteria."

"He's so ostentatious about how un-ostentatious he is."

"Edwin says Cole Porter is overrated."

"He's not an enfant terrible, he's just terrible."

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

'Well, you're not Michaelangelo!'

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

"I haven't seen their work before, I like their use of light!"

Pillaging For Mom

If you want to get big as a radio host, you've got to differentiate yourself from all the other mean, insulting critics. I have a plan. You need to start being nice. That way, you'll really surprise people when you turn on them. That's the stupidest @#$% Idea I've ever heard, you muscle-bound ape! It needs work. Damn. What if I retract the muscle-bound part?

"Oh, Bruno! Just look at the subtle hues in those tulips!"

"If art was meant to be understood by the common man then the common man would have a degree in art appreciation."

'Abstract painting.'

'WHO is the architect here?'

Nude Defacing a Staircase.

"I've got it! If we don't send Stanley Kauffman any tickets, maybe he won't come!"