Crisis Evader Gifts

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Binge Watch

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'Of course you're a failure! Look at you - seventy-two and you've never had a mid-life crisis!'

There's so many things I should be doing that when I procrastinate, I'm multitasking.

Lady leaving a crisis management office past an emergency panic button.

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

Return Of The Flu.

'What's the point of having a luxury car if you put it in the garage at night?'

'As far as I'm concerned...mathematics is a load of rubbish.'

"He's not good with change!"

'I'' be in the basement, Amy... below the radar.'

"Sorry. . . Houston isn't here at the moment - but if you'd like to leave a message. . ."

"We've taken out a second mortgage on our first one."

"I got an extension.'

Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.

Son disappears at the mention of helping out mom.

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'

Sales Downturn

'New dog?' - 'Yes, and no more food bills, no vets fees.'

The new, improved "Hide-A-Dysfunction" Slip Cover

Afghan Aid Workers Will Be Flown Out By/After August 31st, 2021

"Not now—I'm cooking to avoid intimacy."

"Math scares me so much I can't even add it to my list of anxieties."

Financial Advisor. Will you meet expenses this month? Unless I find a really good hiding place.

"My boyfriend's got a split personality. Every time the check comes he splits!"

"What? Speak up! I can't hear you! I'm getting outside interference!"

'Avoid the elevators, avoid the flu,' reasoned Henry.

"A book report? -- Wouldn't that be a copyright violation?"