Crisis Avoider Gifts

'Of course you're a failure! Look at you - seventy-two and you've never had a mid-life crisis!'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

"I find it best to stay out of office politics!"

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"What the hell happened to this town?"

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

The stock market sky is falling.

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"I'm not worried about Wall Street. I've got my money in my mattress."

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

'Hello - I've been parachuted in to save the bank.'

'Ok, I won't let on we're sinking until the water reaches earlobes - then someone's going to hear about it!'

"I'm actually looking forward to age-related hearing loss."

"I need to update my cloak of invincibility."

Lady leaving a crisis management office past an emergency panic button.

"We were wondering if now would be a good time to panic."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

"Suddenly, trying to figure out who to blame for our crumbling infrastructure seems pointless..."

"Passive-aggressive musical chairs." "You sit. I don’t deserve to" "I couldn’t possibly." "Maybe two of us could share." "Someone else go first." "I actually prefer standing."

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

"Sorry. . . Houston isn't here at the moment - but if you'd like to leave a message. . ."

'I'm getting a jump on my regrets so I don't have to bother with them when I'm old.'

"We've taken out a second mortgage on our first one."

'How long has it been going on? I remember asking my dad the same question!'

'If the ECG isn't broken then we have problem'

It's not that Ned is superstitious...but rather, he doesn't take unnecessary risks!

The Ostrich Syndrome: 'Who gets the check?'

"It is too a period of recovery."

Sales Downturn

'Mr. Wilkie dislikes confrontation.'

"You distract him — I'll get help."

No more neurotic people in my life, but will I be bored

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'