Crisis Survivor Gifts

Sales Downturn

"We've taken out a second mortgage on our first one."

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

"Tommy!"

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Evil Exams!

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'Honey, did you bring the anti-nausea pills?'

'McWit Plumbing and Lite Puff Pastries.' The only way to survive in today's economy it's good to diversify.'

"Here, we realized it was not some awful fever dream."

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

'Am I glad to be back - austerity's gone mad out there!'

'I've battened down the TV to protect us from weather reports.'

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

"Well, dear, you can quit worrying about our roof!"

'Look at my new overdraft its fantastic.'

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

Tax grab.

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

'I'm working on a ten year degree. Four years in school, and six years to pay off my student loans.'

'If the market should go down really deep, I'll be well prepared!'

'Because in this economy you make a few compromises for job security.'

'This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up.'

'I think that's enough enlightenment for now Tim!'

'Our cries of Armageddon were completely ignored, so let's just keep throwing money at the economy.'

Coming out of the crisis

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

'I run a small investment firm. Unfortunately, it used to be a large investment firm.'