Criminally Curious Gifts

'My life coach said don't wait for what you want, just take it, so I did and look where it got me.'

'No, no, lets steal this one. It has a lifetime warranty.'

Book Thief in True Crime Department

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

The Philip Marlow family

The government is lying to us about life on the moon phobia.

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

Mephistopheles

'I think I can solve our budget problem with the color scanner, color laser printer and this twenty-dollar bill!'

Arrest of La Tuta

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Crime Writer's Society.

Change of crime for a bored criminal

"Says here underage kids can get a hardship license if they have a legitimate reason to drive a car."

"Dad, tell me about the birds and the bees and safeguards."

"Sure her act is legal in a nightclub - but she was doing it in the street."

Man stabbed in crime section of library, writing 'AAGH!' on piece of paper.

"No wonder we could get tickets."

"Pretty good turnout for a Monday."

Frivolous Fraud Squad

'We'll need a different package. It deems the new preservative dissolves cardboard.'

"Boy I like the sound of requiem music..."

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

Enlightenment sounds okay, but I've decided to go with willful ignorance instead!

Chamaeleon at doctors - 'I'm worried about my karma.'

'Yep, his face is beyond recognition but that's my Charlie for certain.'

'He bears keeping an eye on.'

"One day all this will be yours."

You have the right to remain silent

"Does this count as photo I.D.?"

Cycle of Life

Fly mugger mugging with fly swatter.

Court rooms. The judge imposed sentences today and he went easy in the first couple cases -- the lamp store robber was given a light sentence and the judge said the guy who packed up and skipped out on his rent was only guilty of a simple "moving" violation. On the other hand, the defendant convicted of illegal downloading had the e-book thrown at him. Was the judge tough on the politician who embezzled from the statehouse building fund? Yeah, he takes "capitol" crimes very seriously!

Christian scientist with a appendicitis ahead (Please do not laugh.)