Criminally Curious Pillows

'No, no, lets steal this one. It has a lifetime warranty.'

Book Thief in True Crime Department

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

The Philip Marlow family

The government is lying to us about life on the moon phobia.

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

Mephistopheles

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

'I think I can solve our budget problem with the color scanner, color laser printer and this twenty-dollar bill!'

Arrest of La Tuta

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Crime Writer's Society.

Change of crime for a bored criminal

"Says here underage kids can get a hardship license if they have a legitimate reason to drive a car."

"Sure her act is legal in a nightclub - but she was doing it in the street."

"Pretty good turnout for a Monday."

"Dad, tell me about the birds and the bees and safeguards."

"No wonder we could get tickets."

Man stabbed in crime section of library, writing 'AAGH!' on piece of paper.

Frivolous Fraud Squad

'We'll need a different package. It deems the new preservative dissolves cardboard.'

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"Boy I like the sound of requiem music..."

Chamaeleon at doctors - 'I'm worried about my karma.'

'Yep, his face is beyond recognition but that's my Charlie for certain.'

You have the right to remain silent

Cycle of Life

"Does this count as photo I.D.?"

"One day all this will be yours."

'He bears keeping an eye on.'

Christian scientist with a appendicitis ahead (Please do not laugh.)

"Sir, your change."

Man with bite in him must find the perpetrator at a police station lineup.

Servant girl announcing she wishes to leave because the other servants are too unrefined

Fly mugger mugging with fly swatter.