Morbidly Curious Gifts

"Boy I like the sound of requiem music..."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

'Can I get a box for this?'

Book Thief in True Crime Department

Death Watch

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

"Your morbid curiosity about the afterlife is scaring the children."

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"He has a pretty rare blood group."

'He was a bit of a showoff.'

Death model.

"Pretty good turnout for a Monday."

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

"Ouch! You’re killing me!"

"I wonder how much he paid for that view."

"Spoiler alert! You won't be needing those warm clothes."

"No wonder we could get tickets."

Intensive Care in the Community

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

'Oh-oh, rigor mortis... that ain't good.'

With smoking banned, what left for me to look forward to? Just drinking myself to death?

"Mom, Dad – this is Gloria."

Mark Casey 1966 - 1998: Thirty-seventh idiot to have the crap stomped out of him in Pamplona.

'Barlow must be the dessert.'

Undertaker's Staff Party (drinks are on the hearse).

A Reasonable Time For Concern - 'Hello Crematorium?'

"Technically, it's not your time yet, but we were sick of your complaining."

"Here, if you don't believe me, listen for yourself!"

'I'm sorry, Mrs. Griswald... You've called me so often at my home that you now legally qualify as a friend and I can no longer treat you!"