Morbidly Minded Gifts

the End Zone

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'Can I get a box for this?'

Great, the skeletons of all the other cartoon characters who were here before us.

Death Watch

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"Your morbid curiosity about the afterlife is scaring the children."

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

'He was a bit of a showoff.'

Death model.

"Ouch! You’re killing me!"

"No wonder we could get tickets."

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

"Spoiler alert! You won't be needing those warm clothes."

"I wonder how much he paid for that view."

"Pretty good turnout for a Monday."

"Boy I like the sound of requiem music..."

"It's armageddon week on TV. The death of hope always lightens his mood."

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

Mark Casey 1966 - 1998: Thirty-seventh idiot to have the crap stomped out of him in Pamplona.

With smoking banned, what left for me to look forward to? Just drinking myself to death?

"Mom, Dad – this is Gloria."

'Oh-oh, rigor mortis... that ain't good.'

Undertaker's Staff Party (drinks are on the hearse).

'Barlow must be the dessert.'

You can't come out...

"Technically, it's not your time yet, but we were sick of your complaining."

'Well, the good news is, our signal fire seems to have worked...'

"Bring me more 'Death Gray'!"

'The old folks' home, and make it snappy.'

I've had four espresso shots and a red bull. Look out post office, here comes Sadie! Post office? You're fueling up so you have the strength to endure the long lines? Ha. I'm creating the lines. I get to the counter with a stack of complicated questions, then watch the people behind me go nuts with frustration! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!! One of the best maniacal laughs in the business.