Morbidly Minded Gifts

the End Zone

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'Can I get a box for this?'

Death Watch

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

"Your morbid curiosity about the afterlife is scaring the children."

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

'He was a bit of a showoff.'

"Spoiler alert! You won't be needing those warm clothes."

"I wonder how much he paid for that view."

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

Death model.

"Ouch! You’re killing me!"

"Pretty good turnout for a Monday."

"No wonder we could get tickets."

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"Boy I like the sound of requiem music..."

"It's armageddon week on TV. The death of hope always lightens his mood."

With smoking banned, what left for me to look forward to? Just drinking myself to death?

"Technically, it's not your time yet, but we were sick of your complaining."

Undertaker's Staff Party (drinks are on the hearse).

'Barlow must be the dessert.'

You can't come out...

'Oh-oh, rigor mortis... that ain't good.'

"Mom, Dad – this is Gloria."

Mark Casey 1966 - 1998: Thirty-seventh idiot to have the crap stomped out of him in Pamplona.

'Well, the good news is, our signal fire seems to have worked...'

'The old folks' home, and make it snappy.'

Farmer and Widower