Morbid Television Fan Gifts

"It's armageddon week on TV. The death of hope always lightens his mood."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

The First Annual Game Show Week.

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

Miami Mice

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

TV Situations vacant.

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'Can I get a box for this?'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Moses' TV guide.

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"I just love take-out."

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

'It's times like this I miss the business channel.'

Death Watch

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

John Logie Baird - The inventor of Teddy

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

Woman with TV Guide - "You dropped your day planner."

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

Religious man watching religious TV

'He was a bit of a showoff.'

"Spoiler alert! You won't be needing those warm clothes."