Morbid Television Fan Gifts

"It's armageddon week on TV. The death of hope always lightens his mood."

Cut!

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

The First Annual Game Show Week.

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

Miami Mice

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

TV Situations vacant.

'Can I get a box for this?'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Moses' TV guide.

Great, the skeletons of all the other cartoon characters who were here before us.

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"I just love take-out."

"I wish I could help you, but you're on the set of a hospital soap opera."

Death Watch

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

Liz Hurley

'It's times like this I miss the business channel.'

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

John Logie Baird - The inventor of Teddy

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

Woman with TV Guide - "You dropped your day planner."

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

'He was a bit of a showoff.'

Religious man watching religious TV