Morbid Humor Aficionados Gifts

Execution Workout

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

Stairlift around cliff face.

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

"Puss in cement boots"

Unemotional Support Animal

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

Stormy weather

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

Cheating Death.

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Very Presidential."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

It says they're 120 million years old, enjoyed long walks along the tar pit, and loved nibbling on rodents together. Carbon-dating.com