Crime-stopper Champions Pillows

Mary felt safer going to her car late at night now that she carried a spray can of lace.

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"Yours is the worst case of identity theft I've investigated."

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

Bureau of Missing Persons

'Your father installed a security system.'

'Will you watch where you're going with that thing?'

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

"My goodness, Gurkenham! This is the worst case of identity theft I've ever seen!"

"And what do you see in this inkblot?"

'Hey, we're doing an office pool on who gets to bust that illegal card game on Main.'

'We know the elephant died when he jumped off the roof. But the other guy? It's a mystery.'

Whistle blower...

"It's easier to make 'em talk when you just cement the feet."

"We're from Neighborhood Watch. We'd like to see some I.D."

'The prisons are full, so I'm releasing you back into the wild.'

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

'How did I find you? Let's just say a little bird told me.'

"If we're the Serious Fraud Squad, how come we're looking for funny money?"

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

First space criminal investigation

"And what did you do when the defendent allegedly entered your home?"

"All right, which one stole your identity?"

Practicing for the lie detector test...'I have only $800 in the bank. I was never in Chicago. I know nothing about the dog food business.'

It was official. She was desperate.

'A Policeman hey? My dad is a crime-fighter too: He's a Forensic Accountant...'

Auditing

Crime-Be-Gone - Fence-O-Matic!