Crime Buffs Pillows

"Look, at least we're talking."

Burglar Moving Co.

It's early days Sarge, but I'm tipping this to be 'Number one with a bullet'.'

Officialdom-phobia.

'Have you started you Christmas Swiping yet?'

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

"Take all my money, but please don't shoot me!"

"No sooner had I injected the truth serum than he told me I was morbidly obese."

"Do you remember anything about the bank robber's appearance, ma'am?"

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

'Your father installed a security system.'

Bank Robbery Statistics

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'What ever happened to that persnickety inspector?'

Bureau of Missing Persons

"Yours is the worst case of identity theft I've investigated."

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

"Dumb ass, huh! Well there's more than one way to grill a thick sausage."

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

"I hate when this happens."

"My goodness, Gurkenham! This is the worst case of identity theft I've ever seen!"

A giant hand identifies giant legs in a police line-up.

'Hey, we're doing an office pool on who gets to bust that illegal card game on Main.'