Crime Show Buff Pillows

'I sentence you to ten years ? thank you for choosing the Fourth District Court.'

'Now take your time. And don't worry, they can't see you. This is a two-way mirror.'

Take your time, and try to identify the person who assaulted you with a pie.

"Dumb ass, huh! Well there's more than one way to grill a thick sausage."

"Oops! I'll see myself out!"

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Backfire

hard-boiled egg...

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'You know too much,'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Bloody hell!"

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"Now that's a win."

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Is there a vegan option?"

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Beware of the frog"

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

Cat Hecklers

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'